Im trying to figure it out

Sometimes things go terribly wrong and sometimes you feel like shit. Sometimes you just want to be left alone and there is nothing nobody can possibly do to make it better. I dont know if this feeling is what it feels like to be depressed. All I do know is that Im sitting in my room In my chair listening to Kanye West Runaway and the sounds im hearing from this very small speaker my brother bought me for xmas makes everything feel right. If everyone in the world were to disappear i wouldnt even mind. I feel like i dont give a shit anymore. Not that i wanna die. Thats just plain crazy. No...its more like Im tired of all the bullshit. I sometimes rather turn into a monk and go live off in the mountains of the Himalayas and forget any of this. I probably would just take some books to read and learn when i get bored. I wonder about material things and how they cling to your inner self like some Ramora fish to a shark. I dont even know if that is how you spell that species of fish. Everytime i hear this i cant but want to hear the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven. It conveys feelings for some reason. Or maybe i think it triggers that feeling. Just like certain things trigger memories that you have long forgotten when in reality you never forgetten them but just put them away until that certain flag triggers the memory to wake up again and be remembered. Ive been looking at my closet for the longest hour and I cant seem to figure out how to work up the nerve and throw away all of the things i havent worn in months. I learn about 2 years ago that if i havent used it in the past 6 months i probably wont ever use it again therefore there is no reason for me to keep it or have it occupy space in my life. Im tired of having my cup full. I need to alleviate it .Pout it out. Lets someone else use it. I dont think people realize the imporance the environment has on your life and several other aspects of how your life is. Like a school grounds, classes, libraries around the world are set up to be open and free with space to make your actions geared and a catalyst towards learning and reading. Its one of the bases in architecture..and interior architecture. My room is far away from that very concept. Sad. But it will change. I refuse to let it happen more that it already is. Or maybe im just mad. I see things like others dont and i dont see things like others dont.